Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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