will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
