I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
