I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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