i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
