I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Randomize