im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
