so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize