What a fucking waste of an outfit
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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