How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
