happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
