If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
