Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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