yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
