I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
