Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
