The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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