So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
