Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
