I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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