a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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