Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
