Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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