i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
