We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
