so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
