Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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