he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
