Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
