I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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