mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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