I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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