I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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