wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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