You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
