I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
