I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
