Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A bitchslap is in order.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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