Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
