i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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