I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
