i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
