Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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