I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
