oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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