I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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