I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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