Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
