i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
