Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
organizing the empties. That sober.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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