There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
