just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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