Will you blow on my dice?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My ass is underappreciated
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
