Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
