Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
