that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
