The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
