Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I could make wine with my vomit
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
