i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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