she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
