The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
