i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
