Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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