I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
