i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
