Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
