i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
