yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
