I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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