I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
