just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
