I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
