when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize