apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
