At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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