I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
