i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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