i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize