This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
