We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
