he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
