my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
