you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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