remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
