Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
