i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
