Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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