yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
