i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize