So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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