while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
