hotel room ftw
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize