No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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