No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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