I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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