i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
