Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
