i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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