I'm so fucking centered right now
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
