just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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