I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
