Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
