I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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