3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
