I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
