This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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