When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
