Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You took a bar mat shot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
