i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
