You're my little dorito
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
