Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
