Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
