you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
