I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
