Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
