Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dignity is for republicans.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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