who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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