My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
