Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
