every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
