Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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