Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
