Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
