Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
