you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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