I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
