did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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