is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
