Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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