take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
