can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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