ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
