I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she peed on how many people?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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