She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
