his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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